hmmph..its the end of vacations...the short n sweet diwali break comes to an end. This is 3:27 a.m. I have a train to catch at 6 a.m. and I have a familiar kind of an uneasiness in my tummy-which never lets me sleep on the night before my departure!And since I had nothing better to do,I rememberd the blog I had started over a month ago...wid the promise of blogging regularly and so here I am-writing God knows what! I am kind of telling myself that now that I am a third yr student-goin into my final year in the space of a few months I shuold be able to handle my departures from home better! But of course , when has the mind been able to dictate terms to the heart?Stupid it is, but yet I'm again a little nostalgic.
As I recall the girl who left this place for college 3 years back , and compare her with the 'me' of today I barely see any resemblances! That's kind of good and kind of bad-bad because I kind of liked the girl I've left behind and good because I know that now I'm better equipped to face this world,which is beautiful at some times but mercilessly evil at others. Though I do miss, at times, the kind of faith I used to have in things like love and in the general righteousness and sense of justice of people in general,I realize this is in a way an awakening, a rude one though. Its like the breaking of a cocoon as you walk out into the glaring light.Suddenly, what you thought was the universe,your cocoon has shattered and you are exposed to a world whose existence was beyond your knowledge...
Ok...weird kindof philosophy when I re-read wat I have written but I told you I'm kind of nostalgic and nostalgia does funny things to you!And though i have second thoughts about this,I think I'll publish it anyway!

I was reading this article in Readers' Digest on blogging.It said that it seems everyone who breathes oxygen is suddenly blogging to tell the world that he does!!! I read it and realised that this was my opportunity to prove that I breathe too..and so here I am writing my first post on my first blog.
It's a bad weekend-just like the one before exams usually is. Infact, the regularity of my absolutely boring routine on the weekend before the exams could be funny,if it was not so .....well...ummm...boring! I usually (read that as 'always'!) set my alarm to 8:30 am when I go to sleep on a friday night-with glorious ideas of getting up in the morning and studying with a fresh mind etc etc. Now, friday nights pass real quick (they never teach you that in geography, I wonder why!) and even before you realise you are sleeping, the alarm begins to buzz. I keep it snoozing every 5 mins and finally turn it off.By the time I wake up it is somewhere between 10:30-11.There goes my early morning study! By the time I finish lunch and go to the library (jise hum pyar se RC bulate hain!!) , it's the sleepiest part of the day in the library. So,I go and dump my books , try in vain to study for half an hour without getting so much as a word into my brain.Then I cannot control the urge to sleep and put my head down and drift off, promising to wake up in 10mins.Now, this is something that I have mastered since I came to college (and I'm afraid it's the only thing!)-how to go to sleep in space of a few seconds by just placing your head against some kind of a stable object,oblivious to all kind of noise around you-even when it is a prof screaming into a microphone in the LT!! Anyway,getting back to where I was, as soon as I close my eyes and begin to drift, the RC guy walks up and raps on the table in the most irritating way. Seriously,I feel all that this guy does is watch when I go to sleep coz he's there the next moment rapping ! So much for my sleep.I get up, give him an irrritated look which he smugly ignores, and with that villainous twinke in his eyes , he walks away. After another hour or so of wasted effort I'm back to my room wondering what in the world are we studying so hard for?
I know it's funny that this philosophy always hits me right before an exam-but it's still unanswered.
From what I had read, and heard from people of my parent's generation,college years were supposed to be the best years of your life, where you made your best memories, and your best friends. I've been lucky ,no doubt , in getting my closest pals here but I doubt if you could call these the best years of one's life!It seems so pointless after a while-you slog and slog and get into an engineering college, and then you slog and slog again to get decent grades , and then you slog and slog to get into a B-school, and then you are slogging again at that high paying job you got.Goodness, the very thought depresses me.
I grew up believing that God had sent me into his world for a very special purpose.and as I grew up, I was sure I would realise what that purpose was some day. But here I'm 21 years old, looking ahead at life and wondering where that purpose could be in all this slogging that i see ahead.Sure,I want a job, and all the other usual stuff that people want from life,I guess. But I want to believe that there's something else to my life too, a purpose which will guide the rest of my life,which I will feel happy following and which will give me the satisfaction of being the person God had made with a purpose in His mind.